She does have a list of things, but her mind, her being, is stopping her from getting them done. Oh silly stuff like housework.. ha.. laundry, cleaning. the mundane things that don't mean anything, except they help in the "feel better" part of the living she does. She thinks to the list of things that have taken place over the last few days.. and stops...
She made a realization yesterday, based on something she read.. that maybe she IS remembered by more than she knows. those long ago happenings that have added up into memories and she thought it possible she was the only one to store them.. Maybe not. The piece was, actually, 11 years old .. but it popped up and she had to read it a couple of times.. The first for comprehension (The action or capability of understanding something) and the 2nd for meaning (intended to communicate something that is not directly expressed).. It was the 2nd that struck her... Had it actually been said?? She was sure it hadn't been lost on the reader (herself) or the writer (another) at the time of posting, but in a public forum, others wouldn't understand. However, it was incongruous (look it up.. and she normally doesn't use "big" words....) and life had continued..
She stops typing... rests her head in her hands with elbows propped on her desk.. The feeling rises and the wetness around her eyes comes. The feeling returns and she can't stop it. it's not the more , it's the distance, it's the connection and the shear inability to do anything about it or stop it from happening. She pulls her glasses away, wipes each eye with the palm of each hand.. It doesn't help. This isn't pain she feels, it isn't holding her back from her day. It is the memories she can't bring forward. It's a way to know they are there. It's the ones that are missing that mean the most. and it's the connection (the then and the wanting to be now) she wants more than anything.. The dots from the past to the future.. the then, the now and the forever.
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