She sat, trying to understand what was playing in her head and why she couldn't let it go. Suddenly, in a passing moment she considered the possibility... AN ADDICTION..
Was it true?? Did she really?? A man in her life for over 30 years.. married.. happy..
a 2nd. someone.. a lifetime ago, but feelings. there. even after decades of being apart.. a constant reminder of life and how it twists and turns.
But what was this new scenario, or had it been there. .. why now a consideration?. And what would she do about it. .. nothing likely.
She had seen an old friend a few nights ago. Someone she considered a friend but not really a romantic lead (maybe, as she looks back, it was a something wished for but never considered. she just wasn't that person.. and that was ok) . He leaned in and hugged.. a great bear hub. and then again. and a move of the head.. mouth to ear and a question from decades before. They laughed.. they shared a secret. knowing glances. And they parted ways with another strong hug.. But why.??
It made her feel good.. recognized by someone else. To be someone's memory, if even just a passing thought, glance. And not just this male friends but others. Was she "the one that got away"?? They one they wished they'd had.. all those years ago??. and from her side, was it really flirting.. intentional.. or had she wanted to look pretty, make them see her.. really SEE her.. not just as she was.. but who she could be.
Or was she just addicted to the feeling. The need to be the attention and to be attentive.. in place of someone or something else.
It's a quandary and one she will need to work out on her own. it's her drug of choice..
